The Show Goes on.

I do this all the time. I start a post, then never finish it. I always get distracted by something. Or someone. Why is that? I mean, its not that I don't love to write, because clearly I do. And, Lord knows I have time [or did, at least]. I know, it sounds stupid, but I am one of those people that spends hours psycho-analyzing everything. Especially myself. Like, why do I drink from two straws? Or why do I hate red roses? [Two stories for another day].

So after spending months trying to figure out why I stopped writing [it would've been alot easier to just pick up a pen], I've got it. I love pleasing other people more than myself. Don't get me wrong, I'm not claiming to be even remotely Saintly, but I believe that to be my best quality, and my downfall. Whenever I find someone [a guy] to please, I make him my number one focus. Sure, its really therapeutic to sort out my own head on paper [or blog], but how much does that count when I can be out there making someone else smile. Does this make me weak? Does it make me a weak person for needing to make another person happy in order to find my own happiness? I've always wondered that.

Everyone I know puts a great deal of focus on finding their own happiness and living their own lives before letting another person in. Don't get me wrong, I think thats great for everyone, but when did society become so jaded that solidarity is the way to go? Having a fantastic career is awesome, but is it really that rewarding when at the end of the day, you are alone? It's easy to surround yourself with good friends and drunken memories, but everyone has one person that they can share everything with. When did it become bad to want to share your life with another person? As far as I've been told, the more guarded you are, the smarter you are perceived as.

Maybe I'm stupid, but I refuse to give up on the romantic notion of finding another person with my views. Maybe it'll be tomorrow, or maybe he was an abortion, but I believe that all my dumb, weak personality traits will pay off one day. I want a career, so that I can build a home. I want to travel so that I can share the world. Most of all, I want to be sincere so that I never regret a day in my life, even the tough ones.

At the end of the day, its all about appearances. I find that we are much like children. We still play pretend more than any other game. When you're sad, pretend to be happy. When you're vulnerable, pretend to be strong. And when you want something really badly dear readers, pretend you don't want it at all. Maybe, if you pretend hard enough, it'll become reality.

One day, my prince charming will show up on his valiant steed and remind me that I'm not crazy. I just hope that we can stop pretending long enough to notice each other.

Do you.

XOXO,
Gouda

P.s Shout out to my blog-sisters, I don't care if I see you guys everyday, GET TO WRITING.