If you think FML is good, you haven’t seen anything yet! But seriously! It really doesn’t even compare to the stories you will read in our blog! Our lives are basically fml times infinity! As the saying goes “birds of a feather, flock together”...our “feather” is that of bad luck/extreme awkwardness!!!! But before I get to the stories of my unbearably awkward life I’ll start with telling you my name...not my real name of course, but my pen name! To all of you readers, I will be Cornball with a capital “C” not just because it is a name but because I am SUPER CORNY!!! Everyone at school always looks to me for easy laughs because I am naturally corny and don’t even realize it! I use stupid expressions like “you’re preaching to the choir” and sh*t like that (you obviously get the seriousness of my corniness just from that lol) and think it’s totally normal! Oh and not only am I corny but I have the best job in the whole wide world! I get to use my corniness and obvi my good looks to make money! I know I know you all def hate me right now...but it’s not my fault if you can’t find a job doing things that you’re good at! Sorry sucks for you!
But ok enough about me...I will finally get to the moment you all have been waiting for! The story for the day! I am sure you can all relate to this one (due to the fact that it deals with guys being stupid! And if you're a guy who is reading this, take notes)! And if you can’t, then can I switch lives with you for a day?!! Seriously, I would love to switch! Ok, so when was it decided that it was ok for guys to make it blatantly obvious that they are staring at your chest?!! Like obvi guys are going to look there, like duh we wear low cut shirts for a reason but seriously guys, can’t you keep your mouth shut for at least a second! Its not attractive watching your tongue hanging out of your mouth and drool creeping its way down the corners slowly! GROSS! And if that’s not bad enough, now guys these days must COMMENT on your lady gifts! You boys really don’t know how to act suave like James Bond anymore! You all are helpless in the smooth department! Or so I have learned at work... when someone actually asked me if my lady parts were real!! Like come on really?! Since when is it ok to ask if a girls breasts are real?! First off if you have to ask whether or not they are real, you obvi haven’t seen many in your day! And second off for your information... IF THEY JIGGLE THEY ARE REAL! You dum dums! Fake ones just sit there and say “hey look at me!! I’m here for your enjoyment! Come hither!” (For those of you who have fake boobs, good for you! I wish you luck with all the comments that I’m sure you get!! I am just trying to explain the difference!) Where as real boobs, jiggle and move around! They tease you and make you think maybe you can have them but they don’t stay in one spot long enough for you to really know for sure whether you are welcome to enjoy!
What I have just explained to you as readers I have basically had to explain to customers at work...hence why this is actually an awkward story and not just a rant! P.S. No I am not a prostitute! I sell alcoholic beverages and have to deal with drunken assholes who don’t know the difference between real boobs and fake ones. Hint to all guys...if you don't know, don't ask! You are just making yourself look even stupider then we already know you are! Am I right ladies?!
Ok well thats all for now! Until next time!
love you all,
Cornball
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