What goes on?

Dear readers,

What is the deal with my life? As much as I'd write, a gramatically correct post with amazing flow, I feel that you would much prefer it if I just recapped the past day in shambles. Because thats what it was. An absolute shitshow. Hello life, I've missed you.

The day started out pretty regularly. I wasn't scheduled to work [I work as a hostess at a pretty nice restaurant, in case you were wondering], but I picked up two shifts, so I ended up working all day. Gotta pay the bills. Anyway, the day started out pretty well. The weather was gorgeous.

A little into my morning shift I became, get this; an earthquake survivor. Okay, technically we've all been through some sort of earthquake and just haven't felt it. This was the kind of earthquakee that was felt across the country and made the news. I felt so blessed. The kicker; I didn't actually feel anything. REALLY?!? Was I so busy chatting up old business men to improve their "guest experience" that I didn't feel a earthquake that friends in my old town in New York felt? Lord, I am such a mess. Normally, I love when stuff like this happens. I want to be the old lady that sits my grandkids on my knee and tells them how I bravely survived the blackout and the "ole' quake of '10". Way to ruin my life stories earthquake.

Speaking of old ladies, I had a guest yesterday that I believe deserves honorable mention. So, I'm at the hoststand when this little old lady saunters up to me. She was so hunched over, that all I could see were her eyes . Then, all I hear is "You know what? There is no parking out there. I nearly got TWO parking spots, but both times someone cut me off, and I was like bitchesss". I loved that. She dragged on the word "bitches" like a champ, and also used the word "like" as if she was fifteen. Kudos old lady, you're pretty awesome. I definitely laughed for about fifteen minutes straight after that.

In between my work shifts, I went to booster juice with my coworker, J. After, we went to Wal-Mart and GUESS WHAT I GOT! Ready? I, Gouda, purchased a Magic Bullet. There aren't even words to describe how excited I am about this. This new appliance makes me feel invincable. Chances are it won't help with my questionable culinary skills, but it's my obsession for the week. So, deal.

My the end of my evening shift I was in an extremely foul mood. Everyone and their mother [including my mother] was bugging me like you couldn't believe. A bunch of coworkers were supposed to go out, but I wasn't even up for that. Thank God for good friends. My friends L and L convinced me to go out, which may be either the best or worst thing they've ever done for me. I haven't decided.

So we go out to this predetirmined place, where we met up with almost EVERYONE we work with. For all intensive purposes, I'll call this hotspot Alligator Boulder. It was awesome. For a really long time, I refused to go out with people from work because I always insist on seeming professional and put together. Boy, did that change last night.

Here are bits and pieces of what I remember:

-tequila shots from a guy who I thought looked like Jake Gyllenhall [lord knows he probably looks like Mick Jagger without drunk goggles. Kesha's type, not mine],
- texting my ex [my phone doesn't save sent texts. I feel this might be a good thing]
-flirting. with everyone,
-NO HOOKUPS [I'm so classy],
-the discovery of a new low calorie drink. Vodka Water Merlemon [I hope that's what its called, because that's what I yelled at the bartender about three million times]
-Dancing. Lots of it,
-an after party. We went to this guy's apartment. I don't remember much of what we did there, but I do remember the view being gorgeous],
-hearing the playlist that I heard at Boosterjuice earlier that day, I kid you not.
-this awkward blonde kid that tried hitting on EVERY one of my friends and stuck around the whoooole night. I mean, at one point he asked me to dance and I think I said something like "I don't know how to dance with people. I can only dance alone". Please, get the hint. You're embarrassing yourself.

There's likely more, but last night was one of those nights where memories will come back to me slowly over the course of the next few days.

Today is what would be my sixth month anniversary with my ex. As much as it pains me to say this, I'm actually a little sad. He meant alot to me. Jesus drunk Gouda, why did you have to go and text him? I really thought I was completely over that. I guess these things take time. I'll live.

I need to leave for work soon. I can't tell yet if I'm still drunk or really hungover. On the bright side, I'm wearing a really cute off the shoulder romper with a side braid in my hair. Very Stephanie Pratt, minus the DUI and crazy brother. Actually, scratch that. I don't even like her that much.

Wish me luck at work readers, I'll definitely need it.

LoveLoveLove you,
Gouda