Moving On

I feel so far from where I've been

- Jewel

I came to a really crazy realization on the train ride home this morning.

You know how you see those pathetic girls who are constantly trying to make the men in their lives try harder, or love more? Even though they do hurtful things over, and over you’re the one seemingly begging for an apology or an excuse to continue to have them in your lives. I’ve realized that this works the same way with friends. At a certain point you have to realize that you care significantly more than the other person and you have to stop trying. You can’t constantly get upset over someone who doesn’t put in the effort for you, when there are those who make you feel important, funny, carefree, and loved.

This came to me after having a great night with a friend from school and her family in the city. I had so much fun having a good, clean night with her. We had an old style sleepover complete with swapping men stories after a night at a Greek restaurant on the upper east side with her parents and a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc. It was really a great night. I realized that when I am around this friend and her family, as I feel when I am around most of my friends from school and most of my friends from Long Island, I feel like I am somehting to be valued. I am worth hanging out with, talking to, and standing up for. It made me feel really special last night (as corny as it sounds) and I am going to stop fighting for something that isn’t reciprocated. It’s very sad and I don’t know how long it’s going to take me to be completely “over it”, but I have friends who make me feel valued and I need to concentrate on that.

I don’t think of myself as a vindictive person or one that holds a grudge. I don’t plan on cutting people out of my life to the point of being cold-hearted; I plan on always being there for those who are/were once good friends. I just need to take a step back and stop hurting MYSELF; because that is exactly what I am doing.

Jane